Wednesday, May 1, 2013

What Was Really Said at Agincourt

My brain on literature at 11pm. Source material is in Act IV Scene 3 of Shakespeare's "Henry V."

If we are marked to fail, we are enow
To do our campus loss, and if to pass
The more exams, the greater share of honor.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one test less.
By Jove, I am not covetous for tech
Nor care I who doth study from my notes
It yearns me not if coffee does not flow
Such outward things lie not in my concerns
But if it be a sin to wish B's and A's,
I am the most offending student here.
No, faith, classmates, wish not a paper less.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honor
As one page less methinks would share from me
For the best grades I have. O, do not wish one less!
Rather proclaim in classrooms through the school
That student with no courage for this week
Let him depart; his grade sheet shall be made
He'll call for convoy to bring him back home.
We would not fail in that man's company
That fears his GPA to fail with us.
This month contains the dreaded finals week.
He who succeeds this day and goes glad home
Shall stand tiptoe when next semester comes
And strive again at the words "finals week."
He who shall pass this day, and graduate,
Shall yearly on the vigil tell his neighbors;
Say, "Tomorrow college kids will graduate."
Dumb kids forget, yet all shall be forgot,
But we'll remember, with advantages,
What deeds we do these days. Then shall those names
Professor such, my study buddies now,
My tutor or adviser or deskmate,
Shall be in our soda cans remembered.
With this tale parents can scare their kids,
And semester's end shall ne'er e'er go by
From this day to the end of our degrees
But headaches now shall be remembered
We few, we sleepy few, we band of brothers,
For he this day who draws pencil with me
Shall be my brother, though he be grouchy;
This day gentles no person's condition.
And dropouts in their basements now abed
Though feeling so relieved they are not here
Shall hold their caffeine cheap whiles any speaks
Who lived through yet another finals week.

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